insilentmeditation | Entries tagged with witch

I've been posting journal entries from my "old-school" handwritten journal recently. I thought it might be a nice change to write something spontaneous and current. So here we go!

I have been a seminary student for a year now. It's been an extremely interesting continuation of the studies I began at ASU in 2000, when I returned to earn my BA in Religious Studies. My studies have been an integral part of my spiritual growth, and have brought me along a path I never expected. I tell my spiritual story over and over as part of my discernment process; it doesn't change. What does happen, however, is that I discover hollows and glens, moss-covered stones, hills and dales along my life's journey that I paid little attention to when I was there. All of these newly discovered places are part of the path I have followed - continue to follow - on my way to at-one-ment with the Divine.

So here I am, the woman who, during the 3 years at ASU, claimed Eclectic Neo-Paganism and Wicca as her "religious preference," who wrote wonderful papers on the strengths of Kali and creating sacred space in the context of Wicca; the woman who prayed to Sarasvati, Hindu goddess of wisdom for success on papers; the woman who struggled to reconcile her love for the teachings of Jesus with her love for the Immanent Spirit, Who did not seem to live in the Christian churches she had attended...here I am, working on a Masters in Divinity with the intent to become an Ordained Deacon in the United Methodist Church. One might wonder: how can that be?

A simple answer is that I have discovered the secret to integrating these seemingly divergent spiritualities. A simple answer is that I have always been a Christian, and have returned after a wandering off on a meandering path of eclecticism. The real answer, of course, is much more complex. That is as it should be. For, as I have written more than once, a deep spirituality is multi-valent; for some there may be many layers of Christian awareness wrapped around them like a protective, warm and familiar blanket. For me it is a blanket of pluralism, woven together into a beautiful tapestry of God's delicious wonder. It is not a new path or a returning to the fold that brings me back into the organized Christian church. It is the natural progression of my travels, both spiritual and temporal, that has brought me into the Way of Christ. I am not a Christian in the manner of popular thought; nay, I am challenged daily to find a depth of meaning in my hours; I am tasked with discovering for myself what it is that my God wants from me.

My studies continue to bring me new insights, especially those which are centered on the Christian tradition. I have found that I am not so different than others who have sought the depth of spiritual experience that I have sought. You see, many who have been mystics, spiritual teachers or spiritual directors have been steeped in the Christian tradition, Christology and Biblical context with little other influence. They studied and worked solely within the context of Christianity, for that is all they knew or experienced. I, on the other hand, grew up in an eclectic environment, moved around and experienced all kinds of people in all kinds of places. I have been privileged to meet and experience many kinds of spiritual pursuits. For awhile it was like a spiritual smorgasbord for me. I found the lofty heights; had mountaintop experiences and vivid, lucid dreams; shared in immanent spiritual unity with others - and very few of these moments of enlightenment were within the Christian context.

I did not know that these things could be encountered in a church setting. I did not know that the "immanent spiritual unity" I experienced was "Koinonia;" true fellowship with God and with God's people. But they were. Oh, yes they were. I have since discovered such experiences in the church; I have come to realize that taking the bread and cup in holy Communion is more rewarding to me than the love feast experienced at other gatherings. And yet, they, too, are meaningful and satisfying. Breaking bread together is a universal sign of love.

I once called myself Witch. It was a reclamation of a word used during the Inquisition to denigrate those who were accused of terrible things; those who were usually only guilty of being a strong woman, helping others through observation and herb-knowleing, owning land the church wanted, or even being a little strange or nonconformist in a frightened community. As I sought meaning in my life, I used "Witch" as an acronym for "Woman in Total Control of Herself." I tossed that away when I realized that no one is in total control - we control our lives with God's help, or we live as an island, alone and lonely in a dark and fearful world of our own making. Today, I was thinking...perhaps I still am Witch. Only now, it is an acronym for something else - something right and needful. Today, the word "Witch" for me means "Woman in Total Cooperation with Herself." Or perhaps, in a way, it means Wisdom in True Communion with Heaven. And heaven, as we of the mystical calling know, is right here, right now, if only we accept it and step into it. Communion with others, with ourselves, with Jesus, with God...this is Koinonia. This is Heaven.