insilentmeditation | Entries tagged with spiritual

Once again, I bring to the table a little piece of my mind from a year ago. The study was Joyce Rupp's "The Cup of Our Life." The journal entries are responses to questions or prompts posed throughout the study. Today, I address this one:

One way in which my life has been my teacher is in the series of mistakes...[I like that - "mis-takes," as if I can try another "take"]...mistakes I have made. Each time, I've learned something. Thankfully, even though I've learned some "avoidance," I've also learned to take away some of what is good in each experience. I don't suppose I'm done learning from the teacher called "life," at least, I hope I'm not. I just pray that as I bumble along, I do something good for others in the name of Jesus, who is my mentor, teacher, and friend. Amen.

Today, I post an entry from my old-school journal, dated 4 years to the day before my Heidi was born; Betsy was just a few months old at the time...

"...Sweet Betsy is the joy of my life...I wonder, often, how I should have earned the right to be able to love such sweetness and light. I look back on my selfishness and the redundancy of whining about loneliness, when there is that sweet smile and those grunion-blue eyes. Should I take it upon myself to lament the loss of time? Should I propose to dream, to plan, to scheme, thus closing my eyes to higher wisdoms, while all along there is some higher purpose awaiting some little piece of my heart? Perhaps some purpose greater than any I could conjure?

Am I able to love Sweet Pea enough...when my mind and heart are drawn to some fantasy? Perhaps I should forget "who I want to be" and immerse myself in "who I am." For "who I am" is in pursuit of a better goal than "who I want to be." "Who I am" strives toward perfection in parenthood; perfection in the workplace; fulfillment of the spirit."

Shall I lose track of that through flights of irrational fancy or grow in that, as a seed pushed with childish fingers into moist, rich soil curls up to become a sweet green sprout - soon fulfilling its promise of a plump, full bean."

(c) 4 October 1988
Suzanne Jacobson

Current Mood: creative
Current Location: Home Office
Current Music: The sound of the fan in my tired mind.

I awoke this morning inspired to review the journal entries I made while studying Joyce Rupp's "The Cup of Our Life." I thought, perhaps it will inspire me as I wrap up my sermon for tomorrow. As I read, I had the sense that I should share some of these insights. Today I will share the entry from March 6, 2008.

Dear God
     It was this morning
        That I realized that I
            am Jonah. I have
                run, run, from the
Ninevah you have sent me
to save; who
      am I? Who am I
to save anyone, who
    am I to be Called
        out of my life
            to follow you anew?
Anew...A new....
                    A new way.
When was I swallowed
     to abide the belly
          of a fish, when was
I the hermit hanging
      head down,
               feet up
waiting?
       Now I find myself
scrambling up...
               Upwards
Climbing a ladder
           teaming with Angels
I, who have heard Your
Call, but who,
          afraid,
have sought a wider path
have sailed, futile,
                upon the turbulent sea
and fallen
               fallen
                       fallen
to be swallowed by a
    fish and spewed,
               baggage and all
   upon the sands of
        Your time
                   Knowing now
that my time does not
              truly exist.

(c) 6 March 2008
Suzanne B. Jacobson

Current Mood: satisfied
Current Location: Home Office
Current Music: Joan Baez, Diamonds and Rust

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In Silent Meditation

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Entries tagged with spiritual

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