In Silent Meditation

Selected Journal Entries from the week of 9/5 – 9/12

9/5 ~ Sunday

Today I decided to spend some time in simple meditation. I’ve got a lot on my mind, it seems, and I find it easier to push all those irritating thoughts away when I’m just doing a simple breathing exercise with a mantra. One of my favorite mantras is the one where I breathe in “God” and out “Is.” Over time, the words move together and become “God” “ess.” It reminds me of both the immediate presence of and the inclusive nature of God. Now that I’ve spent almost 30 minutes sitting zazen, I sip a cup of tea and consider my day. It’s been a good one. I preached my first sermon outside of my home church this morning. It was only my fourth sermon altogether. I was thrilled when my friend Rosemary said I could preach in her stead since she was recovering from a hip replacement. It was reassuring, though, that by today she was able to return to the church for the first time since her surgery. Primera Iglesia is a lovely little church – so different from my own. My church is so big. When I attended Primera Igesia a few weeks ago, I was so moved that I wrote a little poem about it.

Like an Old Country Church
Primera Iglesia Metodista Unida

New kind of worship
Songs in English and Spanish
Acapella praise!

(c) 8 August 2010 by Suzy Jacobson

It’s definitely a different experience to worship in both Spanish and English. When I spoke today, I read my sermon in snippets and paused for the wonderful Jaime to translate. It was a lot of fun – the lectionary scripture was from Jeremiah 18. I had a hands-on experience with clay for everyone. I sure hope it went well. They said it did at the time.

Tomorrow I leave for school again. That’s where my mind is a bit overwhelmed – the drive over after a full day of work, sleeping a few hours, classes all day Tuesday and then the drive back after class so I can be at work on Wednesday. It’s a full couple of days. Last week, I was so tired on Wednesday. I guess I’m not 20 anymore! Oh, well. It’s not like I could choose not to do this. It’s where I’m supposed to be right now, that I know; and

9/8 - Wednesday

Once again, I am so tired. I won’t even be able to meditate today at all. I thought, though, that I would journal about my meditative experience in class last night. I love my class in “Teaching Contemplative Practices.” I am looking forward to learning ways of teaching others to find the peace I have found in quiet contemplation. I was tired last night, and knowing I had the drive back to Mesa right afterward made me feel even more tired, somehow. I had the fleeting thought that perhaps this wasn’t the perfect time for me to be slipping into a meditative state!

Last night’s prayerful time was facilitated by a guest. He took us through an exercise in which we were taken to a place where we particularly felt God’s Presence. In turn, we shared our place and heard responses from others. The place I came to was the experience I wrote about in In Silent Meditation, where I was gathered with a group at Piestewa Peak and the mountain lion joined us. It was such a moment of connection. There were so many other places I could have gone during this exercise, situations which are much closer in time to now, but for some reason this is where I went. What a lovely memory. One of the women who was responding to me said that as I spoke, she thought of me in that moment as totally connected, like dust (I got the visual of Lyra’s “Dust” in The Golden Compass). The sharing and response exercise was punctuated with silent moments. It was during one of these that I had the fleeting vision of falling asleep at the wheel on the way home. Contrary to expectation, the “vision” was not one of horror or fear, but one of peace. It was strange – I “saw” myself going off the road, the car pitching off the side, and I was thrown, transmuted from flesh to spirit in an instant, becoming something beautiful, like shimmering silver flakes sparkling beneath an autumn moon. I thought of the Lurianic myth, in which we are all sparks of Being, coming together with the most holy. It was beautiful.

I actually felt rejuvenated after the meditative time. Obviously, I got home safely early this morning. Ian was sick, so I let him sleep in and called in to his school. I slept an extra ½ hour or so, but I am still exhausted. I will sleep now. Saturday will be homework focus day.

9/11 – Saturday

I’m staying away from television and news today. The controversies of this day wear me down. We do need to remember…and honor those who need to be honored, but there is so much more wrapped up on this day than that. So, I say a prayer for those who lost their lives nine years ago, and for their families. I pray for peace, understanding and a sense of community. And I move on.

I decided I wanted to do my meditation early, while it’s still a little bit cool and I can let in some fresh air. I spent a few moments straightening up the porch this morning in anticipation of coming days where I can do my homework reading out there. I put on a pot of coffee, then sat awhile. I thought today I would do a short Lectio Divina. I had read someplace that Lectio needn’t necessarily come from a sacred text, that we could contemplate almost anything to spiritual ends. Sometimes while I’m eating, I’ll take a break from the scholastic works and read something quick to release my brain cells. Yesterday I was reading a Nancy Drew book – The Hidden Staircase. Yes, I know…I’m revisiting my elementary school past. Anyway…I decided to ponder this gem: "Long ago Mr. Drew had taught Nancy that the best way to clear one's brain is to commune with Nature for a time." It resonates with me. This is where I find God most; hence my desire to meditate in the cooler morning air.  My heart heard “commune with nature,” and I pondered it awhile…what does it mean? I discovered that for me, nature is a revelation of God’s beauty, of God’s self. When I “commune with nature,” I feel that I am in the center of God’s heart. It’s like a step toward unity; a movement toward returning. I came away from my meditation thinking perhaps I had been reminded to make time to do just that as I continue this time of fullness and busy-ness. Though I have decided to commit to attending at least one poetry reading per month as a form of R-n-R, I think I must also be sure to get outside, just to sit or walk my not-quite-done labyrinth…and breathe.

It’s time to start homework. Coffeepot, here I come!

9/12 – Sunday

What a day today was! It’s a good thing I had yesterday to do homework. Today started with the early service at church. I feel so blessed to have been asked to do the Pastoral Prayer time on the days when Rev. Hu does not do it. I will be alternating with others, but when I do it, my heart is so warmed. Today, I did it at all three services. I went home and did a little homework.  Then I was off to the Installation Service for our new District Superintendent. I took Heidi along, because I wanted her to join me at the next event, which was a worship service (Mass) celebrated by my friend Elaine. I attended Elaine’s ordination service a couple of weeks ago, when she was ordained a priest in the Ecumenical Catholic Communion. The whirlwind of media activity after her ordination was amazing – this small denomination that has spun off Roman Catholicism is catching the attention of many. Anyway, today Elaine officiated at a service to bless caregivers. Heidi and I had the unique opportunity to compare the United Methodist Communion liturgy with the Catholic Eucharist liturgy. Heidi was surprised to find that they words were generally the same, though the Catholic version was chanted or sung, where we simply spoke it at the United Methodist service. After a spiritually fulfilling day, we headed home and I made a delicious meal of stir-fry Thai noodles and veggies.

This evening’s meditation centered around one of the readings for my “Contemplative Practices” class. I discovered, unfortunately, that I don’t seem to have purchased one of the required books, so I was only able to do one of the readings…now I have to await financial aid before I can buy the book I don’t have. I started to read the entire article by W. Quine, and found myself floundering! I was going to need more time to comprehend this one. Fortunately, however, I really only had to read the last portion. Whew! This was a much easier read. Basically, if I understood it at all, this philosopher contends that just about anything we say can be construed as truth, as long as it fits into the framework of what else we think we know. Everything we say can be revised, as long as that adjustment fits into our understanding. There is nothing that cannot be revised. However, everything must coincide with our experience. The conclusion I draw from what I read in this piece is that no matter what a person might tell us, we will not change our minds about what is true or not true unless we can apply their statement to something in our experience that will allow us to find a place to fit their contention into our belief system. For instance, if I tell someone, “God is good,” and they have derived a different understanding of the world based on the fact that they have lived a hard life, unless something happened in their experience to allow them to accept that “God is good,” they will not accept that statement as truth. Basically, I guess Quine is saying that we cannot believe something if it does not fit into our frame of reference. Nothing is inherently true or not true except in light of our experience.

After reading this article, I spent some time in meditation. Tonight, I lit some incense and a candle, and then sat in silence considering Quine’s statement that, “…it turns upon our vaguely pragmatic inclination to adjust one strand of the fabric of science rather than another in accommodating some particular recalcitrant experience.” I allowed myself to let go of this thought for a period of about fifteen minutes while I did some deep breathing. After the time passed, I brought myself back to this statement. I think I understood it – we choose what we want to believe is real or true, and we balk at the idea of changing our opinion of truth.

Makes sense to me.